Have you ever tossed around the idea of going to see a counselor? Maybe one of those moments when you felt confused or unsure of the direction you wanted to take, maybe you've had some problems that you just wanted to discuss with someone who could be objective -- but who?  Have you had a lot of head talk about this?  "Maybe I should see a counselor." "Oh yeah, what good would that do?" "Well it might help me make some decisions." "You mean you can't make these decisions by yourself?" "Who would I see anyway I don't know any counselors." "Probably just cost money I can't afford, how do I know it would be worth it?" "Yeah, besides I know someone who went to a counselor last year and it didn't do him/her any good." On and on the head talk goes until you can drive yourself to distraction. It might help if you knew what to look for in a counselor so you can make an informed decision.

First of all, counselors are just people who have specialized training in some areas. Don't be awed or intimidated by them. Not all counselors know the same things, just like not all doctors know the same things; there are huge differences in training and experiences. Picking just any counselor without doing your homework is like playing the lottery--sometimes you hit it, other times you have to keep on trying until something works. Which makes a lot people give up on both the lottery and counselors. The worst thing you can do is pick up the yellow pages and go "eenie, meenie, minee, mo."

The best way to find a competent counselor is to ask your friends, family, minister, priest or your Employee Assistance Program to provide some names of people for you to consider.

If you belong to an HMO you might have to pick a counselor from a preferred provider list. Just because they are on the list does not ensure competency. With their name should be listed their specialty, where they are located, and other pertinent facts.

After you do some homework, make a list of three or four counselors. Call each one and ask for a thirty-minute free session to determine if you are a fit. Most counselors will agree to this, if not don't go there. Always ask to speak directly to the counselor; you do not have to answer questions asked by a receptionist. If they insist on knowing why you are calling say "It is a personal call."  Leave a message on their voice mail and in this message leave your name, number and a good time for them to reach you. Make your thirty minutes count by asking the right questions and do not be afraid to ask them. It is your life and you are entitled to answers.

• What are your credentials, experience and areas of specialty?

• Has the counselor ever been to counseling and does he/she have a counselor now? If not, how is mental health maintained?

• Do you work nights or weekends?

• Are you willing to accept cash if I do not want my insurance company to know I am here? Do you give a discount for cash?

• Do you take care of the insurance billing?

• How long do you normally see patients, weeks, months, years?

• Will I have access to the counselor by telephone or email?

• Do you ever refer clients to another therapist?

• How soon can I expect a treatment plan from you?

Once you have asked the counselor these questions you will have an idea if this relationship will work for you. Remember, you wouldn't hire a carpenter without asking a lot of questions or buy a car without doing a lot of checking. Be just as careful of your mental and emotional health.

Evelyn Leite is a counselor with 26 years of experience in addictions, mental health and grief work. In 1989 she founded Living with Solutions to help clients deal with these issues. She is the author of 8 published books and numerous articles. She can be reached at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it." target="_blank">This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or 605-484-0576

In most circles it is not politically correct to talk about Jesus. We often do it in whispers, not wanting to be labeled a Jesus freak. Easter is a time to talk about the birth and death of Jesus Christ. Many people choose to concentrate on the Easter Bunny, colored eggs and spring. In fact, speaking as a former "God is dead" and "you can't trust anybody" person, who wanted nothing to do with religion, I understand if you stop reading at this point.

I didn't get it then. Jesus came as an ambassador for healing, wholeness and forgiveness and he wanted nothing to do with religion either. Jesus came to tell the world that rules, laws and systems that include some and exclude others is mistaken, flawed thinking. Who can even imagine how much courage it took and still takes to follow this radical dissenter? Overcoming stereotypes, opinions and laws is hard work and calls for determination. It is so difficult to be different, to be outside the acceptance of power. Jesus knew how hard it is to be human, to be born poor, to be thought crazy, to be hungry, to be alone and lonely. Jesus came to say there are only two commandments -----"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your mind and all your soul" and "love your neighbor as yourself."

Christians who make laws and rules and demand that people be a certain way have given Jesus a bad name, and created much crippling guilt. When Jesus was walking our earth, many people were asking the question "who is this Jesus and where does he get his authority?" The priests, the kings, the law makers and the religious people feared that if he grew popular he would undermine their authority and cause people to question their power. With true Christianity, there is no place for power. I wonder what some churches would do if Jesus walked in and started driving out the power, the money changers, and the rule makers.

The magnificence of Jesus is that anyone can claim him and I do. My Jesus loves everyone. His commandments are pure and simple. My Jesus thinks it is more important to forgive than to make people follow the rules. My Jesus does not love based on what color I am or how much money I make or what my sexual orientation is. My Jesus did not appoint a board to decide what acceptable conduct is. My Jesus said follow me because you love me and want to love yourself. As human beings we all fall easily for schemes that promise us something for nothing. Yet we often reject a Jesus who promises exactly that. What is his something for nothing? It is love in response to hatred or apathy, it is undeserved forgiveness in response to human behavior and it is strength when the world is too much. My Jesus said that we cannot earn our way into heaven, what a concept! My good works are as nothing? He loves me even when I am bad? My Jesus said "take the log out of your own eye before you try to take the speck out of your neighbor's eye." Simple logic, so hard to implement, yet a worthy goal and one that if practiced will bring more peace to our community and the world. My Jesus says I should do my best, mind my own P's and Q's, help those I can, then leave the rest up to him. We can truly celebrate the season and the birth and death of the man who came to save the world. That man wants to be loved, not feared, and not judged because of the way some people misrepresent him. He died for you and me. He meets you where you are; all you have to do is ask.

Evelyn Leite is a licensed professional counselor and the founder of A Center for Training and Restoration, a non-profit organization designed to serve those who cannot afford mental health care. She is looking for volunteers  and accepts donations to help with this effort. She can be reached at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it." target="_blank">This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..